31. All my students will be excited to tell me how much older I am tomorrow since a couple friends of mine made sure my bday made the school announcements on Friday. Every year for the last 14, I have told myself that this will be the year where I finally lose weight. This will be the year I finally reach my goals and feel more like a success than a failure. Every year, I get worse. Not better. New Year's Resolutions are always the same as well. Once again, I make the same proclamation. However, I'm changing things up this time.
First, let's cover the disaster of today. Olive Garden. Every year I want to go to Olive Garden for my birthday. Why? Because I'm smart enough to stay away during the rest of the year. I might go one other time during the year, but it's rare. I am an Italian fiend and can easily eat thousands of calories in one visit to the place. 2,175 calories in one meal. Add over 2,000 calories in tacos and soda from Taco Bell and you've got one hell of an awesome day. Oh! Let's not forget about the fact that I skipped the gym today. Over 4,000 calories + no gym = a definite weight gain tomorrow. I've been pretending that this doesn't bother me, but obviously it does. This leads to the changes I need to make this time around.
I can't let myself get crazy upset every time I slip up. Some would say that I need to let myself get angry, that it'll help me keep myself honest and make sure I refrain from making more mistakes. I counter that with the fact that every time I have allowed myself to become frustrated, I have slipped up more and more. I eat my feelings. I eat myself into a depression. Once it starts, it is crazy hard to stop and allowing myself to get upset, often starts that cycle. My plan is to start learning from why I slip up. From there I can learn what I truly need to work towards either counter-acting or avoiding completely. I sound so philosophical right now. Don't get used to it.
Next part of the plan... I'm going to actually cook this time around. Before, I depended on Lean Cuisine and Smart Ones meals. I realize that I struggle to limit my salt content, but these meals make it impossible to stay even close to the daily limit. I still bust over that limit regularly, but not by nearly as much as when I only eat those meals. Also, I don't want to depend on those meals for the rest of my life. I do hope that one day a guy might actually become interested in me and something tells me that he won't want to eat microwaved meals every night. Maybe I'm wrong, but I doubt it. My love life, lack thereof, and hopes for one is totally a topic for a completely new post. It's complicated and incredibly annoying.
What next? Exercise for stress relief, fun, and as part of a schedule. I've said before that I would treat the gym like an appointment, but I have yet to actually hold to that. With the winter really starting to roll in, I need to get a plan in gear as to how I will tackle this problem. The gym is going to have to become something I hit at least five times/week, but I really need to come up with a variety of work outs. If I get bored, I'm more likely to give up on the gym. Believe it or not, I like exercise. I like the relief and I like the endorphin rush afterwards. It's hard right now though, really hard. I have so much weight that it is a hurdle I have to jump every time I workout. I want it gone. I wish I could wave a magic wand and have it gone forever. At the same time, I want to earn this. I want to know that I fought for every step and did it on my own. Enough writing for tonight. My birthday is almost over and I plan to lounge on the couch with my pup and watch some TV until the day is done!
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